Gundam Wing funfic 1
Now, I don’t really hate the Gundam pilots (except Wufei). It’s just they kill off so many OZ soldiers, and for what? Why destroy so many lives to take out an organization that you can’t defeat in the first place? Isn’t that just a waste? Anyway, it’s reason enough for me to write a little funfic in order to end the Gundam massacres. As always, Treize is amazing, Wufei is being his old annoying self and Lady Une tries to sabotage about everything. Oh, there will also be two special guests. Enjoy!
Singer: **sings Just Communication song**
Narrator: The year after Colony 195. OZ has finally taken center-stage. With an army of elite soldiers at his command, Treize Khushrenada has just overthrown the Alliance’s military. In the meanwhile he’s getting tired of the Gundams killing off dozens of his soldiers for no reason at all. He wants to put an end to the bloodshed and decides to hold a little competition in order to end the conflict with the Gundams once and for all.
Monotone title guy voice: The final battle
Announcer: Welcome everybody, to the match of the millennium. Today the battle between the mobile suits sent to earth and OZ, that makes the earth to shutter violently is finally coming to an end. The Gundam pilots and the greatest officers of OZ will face each other in this arena.
**Suddenly, Shenlong Gundam jumps into the arena, making it shutter**
Wufei: Alright Treize, come get me with your weak suit, I’ll finish you off!
Announcer: Erm, Wufei?
Wufei: What, weakling?!
Announcer: This is no mobile suit battle; it’s a special surprise match.
Wufei: Injustice!
Announcer: Well, if you think you’re too weak...
Wufei: Shut up, I’ll be right back! Hmpf, weaklings.
**Wufei flies off**
Announcer: Well, now that’s over we might as well introduce you to our contestants. First of all, give a warm welcome to the OZ team! Here they are, Ooofficer Walker!
**Audience applauses and cheers as Walker walks in**
Announcer: Lucreeezia Noin!
**Audience applauses and cheers as Noin walks in**
Announcer: Laaaady Une!
**Audience applauses and cheers as Une walks in**
Announcer: Zeeeechs Merquise!
**Audience applauses, cheers and women whistle as Zechs walks in**
Announcer: And the one and only Treeeeeeeize Khushrenada!!!
**Enormous applause and cheers from the audience, many women whistle. A red carpet rolls out, trumpets play and Treize enters the arena**
Announcer: Now that all OZ officers have entered the arena, we’ll let the Gundam pilots in. (Bored voice) Here are Wufei Chang, Quatre Raberba Winner, Trowa Barton, Duo Maxwell and Heero Yuy.
Duo: Hey, aren’t they gonna introduce us like those OZ gooms?! Geez, that really sucks ass!
Wufei: Damn it, weaklings! This is real injustice!
Quatre: I don’t think this is very fair.
Trowa: ...
Announcer: Are you guys gonna enter or what!
Heero: Mission accepted.
**Audience boos as the pilots enter the arena**
Announcer: Sure took you long enough.
Quatre: You seem a little on the OZ side, are you an OZ soldier?
Announcer: Well, duh! What did you think, Alliance soldiers? **Audience laughs** Everybody in this arena, apart from you five, is an OZ soldier. Me, the snack salesmen and even the audience. Everybody!
Duo: Man, this is just great!
Announcer: You’re absolutely right 02, this is fantastic! Anyway, let’s begin the first match. The computer will choose our first contestants.
**A card pops out of the computer; the announcer grabs and reads it**
Announcer: And the first candidates are (drum sounds) Officer Walker and Quatre Raberba Winner! Enter the stage please.
**Quatre and Walker enter the stage**
Quatre: Hey, I thought you were dead?
Walker: **Rolls his eyes** Never heard of dragon balls?
Announcer: And the computer will also decide what kind of match this will be!
**Another card pops out and the announcer reads it**
Announcer: Cool. The first match will be a... Pokémon match. Each candidate may use one pokémon.
Walker: Damn, I forgot my pokéballs!
Zechs: Here, use mine.
**Throws a pokéball to Walker, who catches it**
Walker: Thanks, lieutenant!
Quatre: Go Sandrock!
**A Sandshrew appears out of the pokéball**
Walker: For the soldier of the future; go whatever’s inside this!
**A Magikarp appears out of the pokéball and jumps up and down on the stage**
Walker: Erm, lieutenant?
Zechs: Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you; his name is Tallgeese.
Walker: Thanks a lot...
Zechs: You’re very welcome.
Quatre: Sandrock, scratch attack!
**Sandrock scratches Tallgeese and takes him out with one attack**
Walker: Nooooo!
Quatre: Sorry.
Announcer: And the first match goes to Quatre Raberba Winner.
**Walker walks off the stage with an angry face**
Walker: Stupid fish.
Zechs: Don’t talk about Tallgeese like that! The guy who sold him to me said he’s worth a fortune, he’ll get lots of eggs with other Magikarp and those Magikarp will lay lots of eggs as well. If I’ll sell all of those Magikarp I’ll be rich!Announcer: And the next match goes between.
**waits for the card****The card pops out**
Announcer: Heero Yuy and Zechs Merquise.
**Zechs and Heero enter the stage while the announcer grabs another card**
Announcer: And the match will be a Beyblade match! Beybladers ready?
Heero: Mission accepted.
Zechs: Yep!
Announcer: Alright then, LET IT RIG!
**Zechs and Heero launch their blades**
Zechs: Come on Tallgeese, get him, get him! You’re stronger than him, come on, beat him to pulp!
Heero: Wing, Buster Rifle Attack!
**Lady Une sees Zechs is in trouble and grabs a megaphone**
Zechs: If I don’t think of something soon, I’ll lose. Hey, that’s it. Hehe, I’ll win without making Tallgeese reach its full capacities.
Lady Une: Attention all Gundam pilots. We have taken control of all the missile satellites and are ready to begin an all out missile attack on the colonies. All of you surrender and hand over your Beyblades.
Zechs: Hell of a time for tasteless tactics!
**Suddenly Dr. J appears on a screen on Heero’s Beyblade**
Dr. J: Foolish OZ. Sigh, I told you before, this is my personal battle against OZ and the colonies have nothing to do with this. But Ok, I’ll surrender, but I won’t hand over the Beyblades!
Heero: Mission accepted.
**Heero grabs a self detonation device and presses the button. The Beyblade explodes and Heero is swung back by the explosion. He lands hard on the ground and bleeds heavily**
Quatre: Heero! I’ll bring him to the sick bay if you don’t mind.
Announcer: Whatever. Well, I guess the match goes to Zechs Merquise.
Zechs: Huh?! Cool! Finally got revenge at Heero!
Lady Une: My strategies never fail.
Treize: Lady, I don’t think that’s how we handle things at OZ.
Lady Une: I’m sorry Your Excellency.
Treize: Well, never mind. Look, they’re going to choose the next contestants, you might be next.
**Zechs jumps off the stage happily and the announcer grabs a card**
Zechs: I did it, I did it!
Announcer: The next match goes between Trowa Barton and Lady Une!
**Both enter the stage**
Announcer: And this match will be an eating contest. Please sit down at the table, contestants.
**Trowa and Une sit down and two OZ soldiers bring trays with food on it. Once Une has got her food she lets the soldier with Trowa’s tray trip making him drop his tray**
Lady Une: Oh, forgive me, I’m so terribly sorry! Allow me to get another tray for my opponent.
**She runs out of the arena and almost immediately returns with a tray full of dishes and puts it in front of Trowa**
Lady Une: There you go. **grins**
Announcer: The first one to eat all of the food wins this round. Go!
**Trowa starts to eat like crazy, while Lady Une calmly sits on her chair. Suddenly Trowa stops eating and looks at one of the dishes with disgust**
Trowa: Yuck, Catherine’s soup! I’m not gonna eat this.
Announcer: Are you sure?
Trowa: Of course I am, this is worse than poison!
Announcer: In that case you give up and the match goes to Lady Une. So that means it’s 2 to 1 for the OZ team!
**Trowa angrily walks off the stage**
Announcer: If the OZ team wins the next match, they will have won the entire match and they will receive their prize; World domination and a fancy dinner at our five star restaurant! And I’ll be going there with the winners as well, lucky them, hehe. Ah, the next match is between Duo Maxwell and Lucrezia Noin!
**They walk up the stage**
Announcer: And they will face each other in a fencing match! The first one to disarm and get the opponent off the stage wins.
**Duo and Noin take their swords from two OZ soldiers and stand ready**
Announcer: Go!
**Noin has the advantage and almost hits Duo off the stage but accidentally cuts off his braid as it is swept in front by the wind**
Noin: Whoops.
Duo: My braid, my beautiful braid! Aaaargh! What have you done! You’re gonna pay dearly for this!
**Duo starts slashing like crazy and hits Noin’s sword making it fly into the air. Before she knows it, Noin is off the stage**
Noin: Oh no, I blew it!
Duo: Never ever touch my braid!
Announcer: The match goes to Duo Maxwell.
**Noin walks to her team sadly and Zechs walks towards her and comforts her**
Zechs: Don’t worry about it Noin, you were fantastic.
Noin: Oh Zechs.
Announcer: Aw, that’s sweet! Anyway, the last match is about to start. We don’t need the computer to choose our opponents. The only two contestants left are Wufei Chang and Treize Khushrenada! Ah, and it’s going to be a martial arts match.
Wufei: Ha, I’ll beat you this time. I’m a master at kung fu, so I won’t have any problem taking you out Treize!
Treize: Don’t be so sure of yourself kid. I don’t think you stand one bit of a chance.
Wufei: Grrr, be quiet you weakling!
Lady Une: **Whispering to Treize** Shall I give orders to detonate the missiles here to kill off the kid sir?
Treize: No lady, I don’t think that’s a very good idea. Let me handle this. You just go take the others to the restaurant and decide the menu for tonight.
Lady Une: Sir! Lieutenant Zechs, Lieutenant Noin, Officer Walker, get a move on!
Zechs, Noin and Walker together: Ma’am!
**They follow her out of the arena**
Announcer: And go!
**Wufei flies at Treize with a flying kick but Treize dodges it. Wufei drops on the floor, stands up and tries to hit Treize with a rain of punches and kicks, but Treize blocks and dodges them without breaking a sweat**
Treize: Let’s end this shall we.
**Treize grabs Wufei’s leg and throws him off the stage**
Treize: The duel is mine, again.
Wufei: Injustice!
Announcer: And it’s over ladies and gentlemen, thanks to His Excellency Treize Khushrenada, the OZ team has won the battle and takes world domination!
Treize: I better get going; I don’t want to be late for dinner.
**As Treize wants to leave the arena, Duo, Trowa, Quatre and Wufei surround Treize**
Wufei: You’re finished you weakling! I can’t stand the sight of you!
Treize: Then come and get me now! **Readies himself**
**They all want to attack him as a woman lands next to Treize**
Woman: Don’t you touch him or feel the wrath of Lady Treize! **To Treize** Allow me to help you take out these morons, handsome.
Treize: Anytime, dear.
Duo, Trowa and Quatre: **They attack as Wufei sneaks out of the arena** Haaaaa!!!!
**With ease Lady Treize punches Trowa to the floor as Treize sweeps Quatre down. Together, they kick a storming Duo against the arena wall**
Treize: We must make sure they will never cause any grief again. Men, silence them.
**Some OZ soldiers take out their guns and shoot the pilots full of bullets**
Lady Treize: Hey, where’s Wufei?
**All of a sudden, Wufei comes storming at Treize with his katana in his hands**
Wufei: You won’t escape MY WRATH!
**Suddenly Vegeta appears in front of Wufei and punches the katana away**
Vegeta: Listen kid, I’m the prince of all Saiyans and I don’t like it when people steal my lines. I’ll give you one last warn...
Wufei: Get out of the way you weakling!
Vegeta: **his eyes narrow** That’s it, you fool! I’ll be sending you into another dimension! GALLAC GUN FIRE!
**The Gallac Gun totally disintegrates Wufei**
Vegeta: Hehe that was fun. Well, gotta go! ** disappears**
Treize: Well, you sure put up a brave fight. You’d make me very happy if you wanted to sit at my side during dinner tonight.
Lady Treize: **blushes** I, I’d be honored Your Excellency.
Treize: Shall we go then? **takes her arm and they walk out of the arena**
Announcer: Sigh. Guess I’ll have to clean up the trash around here. **picks up the three dead Gundam pilots and throws them into a trash can, as well of the remains of Wufei. **Looks at the screen** You’re still here? You can go now, it’s over. **Looks at his watch** Oh dear, that late already, don’t wanna miss dinner. Gotta go, bye now! **Poofs away**
Narrator: This is the year After Colony 195. Finally OZ has truly taken center-stage and Treize Khushrenada rules the world as the World Nation’s sovereign. The Gundam pilots are taken out and the people of the world finally live in peace.
The end
Well, isn’t that great, no more needless bloodshed thanks to our beloved Treize! Let’s all thank him for it, I bet he’ll like it. At the count of three we all say ...Thanks very much Your Excellency!... Ok, here we go. 1..., 2..., 3...
THANKS VERY MUCH YOUR EXCELLENCY!
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